"A month after the release of The Last Airbender, Will Smith contacted M. Night Shyamalan on August 6 to wish him "Happy Birthday" and to persuade him to direct his movie with his son Jaden Smith as the star.[6]"
Will Smith is dumb as shit.
What is it that allows someone to succeed in cinema?
Acting talent? A creative mind capable of exposing the audience to a fantastical wonderland that makes us laugh AND think? Really good blowjob skills?
After today I'm pretty sure it's luck. Knowing your way around a pole is all and good, but it's pure luck.
How else do we explain After Earth, the newest tag-team adventure brought to us from acclaimed writer Will Smith and revolutionary director M. Knight Shymamalam?
After Earth is a hodgepodge of themes, storylines, and accents. Straight from the mind of a 14 year old screenwriter, we open on the clunky expositional narration delivered by Jaden Smith, or as he shall henceforth be known: Kitai Raige, son of Space Ranger General Cipher Raige:
Our prodigal son lays out the state of the universe for us, in which 1,000 years ago humans pollute earth too much and must evacuate. The Space Ranger Corps save humanity by taking them to a new planet called "Nova Prime" which is then promptly overrun by aliens who deploy Hork-Bajir style shock troops soldiers.
These aren't your granddad's tinfoil suit alien spaceman blitzkrieg soldiers, though, oh lawdy no. These are some weird 6 limbed eyeless bugdog monster whose secret weapons is that they smell fear pheromones.
This is where I end this review since it's so fucking stupid that i'm not going to talk about fanfiction anymore. I'm just going to detail my complaints.
1: The actors. Jayden Jaymes cannot act. He just can't. He's in that awkward teenager stage where he's still developing his adult face, and he's ugly as hell right now. Couple that with no innate charisma and a father who is a literal brazillionaire and you have a recipe for disaster.
Will Smith criminally underused himself. Aside from the weirdass Baltimore area accent he was trying to portray as a future accent (which i picked up from my many hours of The Wire viewing), if the movie centered around him it might have been passable. Except it wasn't. Couple that with the fact that you don't know how his last name is pronounced and it just winds up making you angry. Will Smith says his last name sounding like "rage", the emotion. Which is FUCKING STUPID. But every other ancillary character pronounces it as "raiche" like the alternate non-movie pronunciation of Ra's al-Ghul, which i find much more preferable.
2: Everything else. The general plot of the movie was stupid, shitty garbage that is worse to film than my Relict series that involves an old man, a black guy, a big titted blonde lady, a princess and an excomminucated alien fighting to stop the apocalypse that for some reason that involved mechanical spiders.
2a: The eagle. You have to see the movie to believe this subplot. I can't even describe it, but it's dumb as FUCK. I just.... I can't put it into text. Ask me about it in person.
These aren't your granddad's tinfoil suit alien spaceman blitzkrieg soldiers, though, oh lawdy no. These are some weird 6 limbed eyeless bugdog monster whose secret weapons is that they smell fear pheromones.
This is where I end this review since it's so fucking stupid that i'm not going to talk about fanfiction anymore. I'm just going to detail my complaints.
1: The actors. Jayden Jaymes cannot act. He just can't. He's in that awkward teenager stage where he's still developing his adult face, and he's ugly as hell right now. Couple that with no innate charisma and a father who is a literal brazillionaire and you have a recipe for disaster.
Will Smith criminally underused himself. Aside from the weirdass Baltimore area accent he was trying to portray as a future accent (which i picked up from my many hours of The Wire viewing), if the movie centered around him it might have been passable. Except it wasn't. Couple that with the fact that you don't know how his last name is pronounced and it just winds up making you angry. Will Smith says his last name sounding like "rage", the emotion. Which is FUCKING STUPID. But every other ancillary character pronounces it as "raiche" like the alternate non-movie pronunciation of Ra's al-Ghul, which i find much more preferable.
2: Everything else. The general plot of the movie was stupid, shitty garbage that is worse to film than my Relict series that involves an old man, a black guy, a big titted blonde lady, a princess and an excomminucated alien fighting to stop the apocalypse that for some reason that involved mechanical spiders.
2a: The eagle. You have to see the movie to believe this subplot. I can't even describe it, but it's dumb as FUCK. I just.... I can't put it into text. Ask me about it in person.
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